Current mood:	good
Entry tags:	catholic, christian, church

Revert
I've always been interested in different religions and philosophies, and a few years ago, I read quite a bit about Islam.  One of the concepts I liked when I was reading was that of the "revert", the idea that people do not convert to Islam, they revert, because their original nature was that of submission to God.  I like the idea that the process of coming closer and submitting to God is reverting to your true nature and not something forced on you against your natural inclinations.  I also like the word for personal reasons, because I'm neither a "cradle Catholic" nor a convert to Catholicism, and the term "revert" expresses what happened rather succinctly.
My mother and my maternal side of the family were Catholic, and therefore, when I was a baby, I was baptised into the Church.  However, my father was not, and even my mother was not too keen on actually raising me Catholic.  They both decided that I should decide for myself and be free from dogma and all that stuff, even though, when I expressed a desire to go to Mass or church and learn more about Jesus and read the Bible, I was actively discouraged (for a while.  I am quite stubborn when I want to be.).  So I grew up without much Catholic input, did not go to parochial school, did not go to Mass, did not go to catechism classes, didn't make a first communion or  confirmation, did not learn much about the Church at all except a little about Jesus and Mary and "you wouldn't like it".
Therefore, when I decided as an adult I was interested in this whole Catholic thing, I found myself in an odd position.  I was baptised, so technically I didn't need to go through RCIA.  But I knew very little about the Church, the Mass, the teachings, even basic Mass protocol.  I was terrified the first time I went to Mass of my own accord.  I was sure I would be thrown out as an outsider, an imposter, a fraud.  I knew better than to take holy communion, but everything else I had to learn by looking out of the corner of my eyes at what everyone else was doing.  I left shaky with relief, and determined to return.  Gradually, the fear left me and I became more and more sure, against all that I thought was logical and normal for me, that I wanted to get confirmed. 
God handed me a gift right when I needed it; my parish offered a confirmation class for adults, and I grabbed the chance, finally making my first confession, confirmation, and communion.  But still, for years, I didn't have a snappy answer to the question, "How long have you been a Catholic?"  It seemed weird and confusing to answer honestly with, "Well, I was born Catholic but didn't get any instruction and then I decided to get confirmed as an adult..."  Now I can just say, "I reverted a few years ago", and then if someone wants more details, they can ask. 
Needless to say, it's the best thing I ever did, too.